Godly player and human errors...

Read this today.And I have to say this,I was shocked .Of all the games in the world Jesus chose cricket.But some thinking made the reasons clear.Cricket is a non-contact game.One can play it all day without touching any fellow player.This is why it has been a game of the elite,the gentry.Imagine playing football with your driver or your cook.There,almost unimaginable.Now rewind to your childhood days.Remember playing cricket with the kids of the domestic help?Yeah,when you used to hog all the batting.Point made.

Another quality of cricket is,it can be very lazy sport.Just watch any cricket footage from 80's backwards.Cricketers used to have a very "well-rounded" personality.Unless you are a fast bowler,you can be a very fat person and still play cricket.Ask Romesh Powar.

So which game does a person of elevated position,who doesn't like to rub against sweaty shoulders of lesser people and doesn't care much about running around all day,play? Obviously cricket.And what position is more elevated than that of His?Cricket is an obvious choice for Jesus.

The point that is made at the end of the article is even more startling.

He gives the following translation: "He (Jesus) would take the boys to the
seashore and, carrying the playing ball and the club, he would go over the waves
of the sea as though he was playing on a frozen surface, hitting the playing
ball.
"And watching him, the boys would scream and say: 'Watch the
child Jesus, what he does over the waves of the sea!' Many would gather there
and, watching him, would be amazed.''
Terian said that the story
echoes allusions to Jesus' walking on the Sea of Galilee, as told in the
gospels.
"But the apocryphal story shows that for a ball game even
Jesus would forget work and would go to have fun with the boys!'' he said. (ANI)

Apparently Jesus is also a show-off,impressing the commoners with his mighty
powers.And we all thought he believed in "The meek shall inherit the earth".Between Shri Krisna's ghagra chasing ways,Shankar's love for estascy-inducing herbs and Jesus being the show-off that he is,we need better Gods.

The point that Jesus is not averse to running away from work to play a ball-game will be interesting for one Anil Kumble."Hmm..this explains the creation of a monstrous concept like a review system"he will think.

The powers-that-be of cricket decided that there was too much human error involved in the current process of umpiring."Lets add some more"they thought."Let,if so demanded by either the captain of the fielding team or the batsman,the third umpire describe the replay of the decision to the on-field umpire."So a typical referral goes like

Billy Doctrove:What is it this time Benson?(in thick Caribbean accent)

Benson:This bugger Gambhir/Parthiv/Sourav thinks he is not lbw.Tell me what
happened.

Billy:Hmm...its not a no-ball..it pitched almost outside the leg-stump
line...that was a giant stride outside mind you...maybe a little high as
well.

Benson:Tell me is there no chance it would have hit the stumps?

Billy:I cant say that chum,they only show me the trajectory till the
impact.

Benson:Not enough evidence to change the decision then.These Indians think
they invented the game.

Billy:I will go back to my rum now.

Or like this on occasions.

Billy:Yes Benson.

Benson:Look at the replay..Mahela,good man,thinks
Gambhir/Parthiv/Sachin is lbw.To be honest I had my doubts as well

Billy:Hmm...its not a no-ball,almost outside leg,giant stride out,there were
two noises,may be some bat.

Benson:Do you think the ball would have hit the stumps?

Billy:Had there been no pad,bat,batsman it would have,certainly.

Benson:Hmm..alright then..I am not the ego...that is Kevin Pietersen...I
will let technology assist me.Here I go.

Billy:I will go back to my rum now.

Ayurvedic Dope

A typical morning from my early childhood.

My Mom(with a spoon full of a greasy,black,smelly stuff):Here,have this

Me(my eyes wide with terror):No....please...I don't want to.

Mom:You don't have a choice.
Me:But...no...hmmphh...urghhh.....(the spoon is now shoved inside my mouth).

The greasy,black,smelly stuff was something called Dabur Chyawanprash.It was supposed to help kids stay healthy,top their class,score the winning goal on the playground and come grinning back to their homes with an assortment of trophies to proud parents as shown in the ads.Of course, nothing of the sort happened to me.All I got was a bitter taste in my mouth.

My own experiences with the Chyawanprash ended when I grew too tall for my mom to shove the spoon inside my mouth,something that she attributes to the Chaywanprash itself.But I retained an intense hatred for it in the deepest corner of my heart.I had always thought that being an Ayurvedic product it wouldn't be able to stand up to modern diet supplements and future children wouldnt go through what I did .But I was wrong.Instead the Chyawanprash went from strength to strength.From Amitabh to SRK to Sunny Deol,everyone endorsed it.Even Souarav Ganguly attributed his tandarust tan(fit body) and tej dimaag(quick body) to it,when actually what he needs is a quick body and a fit mind.Hope of seeing the chyawanprash disappear from the markets had left me lately.

Therefore it was with great pleasure that I read this .The IOC has forbidden Indian athletes from taking Chawanprash as they contain heavy metals which lead to the production of banned anabolic salts in the body leading to failed dope tests.So there,its not only sona-chandi that Chawanprash contains,there are heavier metals in there.I felt vindicated.And then it hit me.After years of being forcefully fed Chawanprash,my body must be full of banned anabolic salts.I am certain to fail any dope test.My dream of representing the country in the Olympics lies shattered.

Mithun to the rescue...

"Mera naam hai Shankar,Jurm se nafrat karnewaala,garibon k liye jyoti,gundon k
liye jwala"

[Gunda,1998]

Unforgettable lines from an immortal movie.As I read the news of Mithun's ICL team Royal Bengal Tigers signing an MoU with the Kolkatta football club Howrah Union,the scene from Gunda swam before my eyes.For Mithun non-believers,his sport enterprises maybe as c-grade as his cinema.What is ICL,if not an outcast league,shunned by the public and the powers alike?And Howrah Union?Indian Football is the least popular brand of football in India,but Mohan Bagan,East Bengal,Mohammedan Sporting are at least known names.Whoever has heard of Howrah Union?
Defending Mithun movies will take space larger than blogspot can afford.To say the least, if Gunda would have been made in French and called Le'Gundeh' it would have been recognised as a surrealistic masterpiece that it was.But his foray into sports,at least, must be seen in the proper perspective.Doesn't the current Indian cricket scene resemble the situation in Gunda?There is the head honcho Sharad Pawar(Kafan chor neta and Bulla rolled into one),Lalit Modi(Chutiya,his urge for vitamin sex can be seen in this now famous photograph),

Rajiv Shukla(Pote,self-confessedly not even loyal to his own father).After putting out of business their closest rival Dalmiya(Lambu Atta),they enjoy complete fiefdom over the cricket scene.Garib and majboor players(akin to poor mill workers/porters/airport coolies of gunda) were sold off to rich and powerful corporates and even to lowly film actors,mere naachne gaane waale unlike the great kalakaar that Mithun is."Enough" said Mithun."Do chaar chah aath dus bus".Off he went and brought a stake in the Kolkatta team of the rival ICL.Given the choice between a waxed-chest,cleavage displaying apparition called Shah Rukh Khan and the man who is called Mahaguru(the great teacher),who do you think Kolkatta people will choose?The end of Knight Riders and subsequently the IPL will be plotted shortly by Mithun-da.
Mithun's concern in Indian football is different.Football fans in India are more interested in Christiano Ronaldo,Drogba and Steven Gerrad than in our own homegrown heroes.This is what is deeply distressing.Why should we look at Theo Walcott,when we have Sunil Chetri?Why idolise Drogba,when our own Okerie is here.And horrors of horrors,there were talks of recruiting taller players for the Indian team so that we can play a more physical game.Whats wrong with our natural,one-touch-passing game that we play?One touch passes which end up at the opponents feet that is.Where else do you see a player tackling his own team-mate?Where else in this world such an exciting brand of the beautiful game played?And still Indian football is orphaned in its own country.It is this that Mithun will try to change.
One wishes Mahaguru all the success in his sporting endeavours.On his behalf,I will like to tell all his rivals and detractors..

"bhuji hui cigaratte kabhi jal nahi sakti,teri maut ki taarikh kabhi badal nahi sakti"